I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
