He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
