I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
