I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize