quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
