he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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