woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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