Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
