it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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