and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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