i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
