You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
