I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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