# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
