I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
