I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
