So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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