is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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