Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
