mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
