Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
