Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
