i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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