I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
