I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
