dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
