went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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