is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
