I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
