Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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