Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
