A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
