You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
