im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
