She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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