We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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