I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
