we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
