we're blogging at a bar
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
