You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
