I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
