Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
