So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
