White coat. Heels.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
