We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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