OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
