my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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