i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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