the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
