sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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