So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
