dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
