sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
