I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
