I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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