I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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