Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
