i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
