i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
