Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
