dude i'm inner monologue high
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
