I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
