Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
