i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
