That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize