Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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