did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
