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So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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